can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
