I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Randomize
