I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
