I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Randomize
