sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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