Your face is a jimmy john
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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