Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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