She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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