i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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