hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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