Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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