it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
