Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
being pregnant is like rehab
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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