I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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