We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
