its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
