i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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