I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
