Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
