make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize