am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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