Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize