Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
