we have officially lost it.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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