All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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