Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Randomize
