Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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