First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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