I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
