I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
