Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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