And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
