Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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