I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize