If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
