I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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