WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
