if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
