I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
operation have a gay friend backfired
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
