her vagine was all disorganized.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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