i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
