Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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