man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
