Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i just wanna soil my oats bro
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
