never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
