I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
