I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
