ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize