Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
