You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
