were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Sorry my hands just texted you
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize