Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Operation Purity has been aborted
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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