There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
