Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
