@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
