oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
