There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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