if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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