Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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