At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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