she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
