She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My liver just had a heart attack.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
