He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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