I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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