You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
