Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
