shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
