I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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